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The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 182 seconds
Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.
Related: badass , capital , comedy , court , death , fake , funny , justice , law , news , penalty , punishment , satire , supreme
The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 161 seconds
Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls.
Related: brothers , comedy , cyrus , disney , funny , hannah , jonas , miley , montana , onion , teens
The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 180 seconds
Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.
Related: barack , comedy , election , fake , funny , john , mccain , news , obama , politics , satire , voting
Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 145 seconds
For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
Related: barack , clinton , election , hillary , john , mccain , obama , politics , president , voting
Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 161 seconds
After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.
Related: brady , comedy , football , funny , giants , jacksonville , jaguars , manning , onion , satire , superbowl , tom
Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 195 seconds
Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.
Related: barack , comedy , election , fake , florida , funny , john , machine , mccain , news , obama , onion , palin , sarah , satire , voting
Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 125 seconds
With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in the desert.
Related: bailout , business , comedy , fake , funny , money , news , onion , paulson , recession , satire
Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain's Base
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 186 seconds
Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Related: 2008 , barack , comedy , election , funny , john , mccain , obama , onion , palin , sarah , satire
The Onion: Gifted Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 164 seconds
In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a precocious 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies.
Related: 2008 , ad , attack , barack , comedy , election , funny , john , mccain , obama , onion , politics
The Onion: McCain Left On Campaign Bus Overnight
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 159 seconds
Campaign officials downplayed the incident, saying the senator was fine as soon as he was fed and taken to the bathroom.
Related: barack , comedy , fake , funny , john , mccain , news , obama , onion , palin , sarah , satire
The Onion: 'No Values Voters' Search For Most Evil Candidate
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 118 seconds
Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly.
Related: 2008 , barack , comedy , election , evil , fake , funny , house , john , mccain , news , obama , onion , white
The Onion: Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff In 11,680th Day
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 151 seconds
The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades.
Related: bush , comedy , fake , funny , india , jihad , muslim , news , nuclear , onion , pakistan , satire , weapons
Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To South
Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 132 seconds
Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass beneath them instead.
Related: comedy , fake , funny , hurricane , katrina , mexico , news , onion , satire , texas , weather , weatherman
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